This transfer window has been like the latest BBC costume drama – lavish but a bit predictable.
Fear not though because history suggests there is a stonking surprise imminent as the deadline approaches, a left-field deal that seems to spring from nowhere and gets us all chattering.
Here are five that – with the right wind behind them – might just go through.
Wilfried Zaha (Crystal Palace to Tottenham)
A £15m bid was strongly rebuffed with Palace chairman Steve Parrish insisting the tricky speedster is going nowhere this summer but now that Spurs have shown their hand we can expect a more realistic offer to follow.
The player’s agent has admitted the clubs are in talks which undermines Parrish’ apparent shock-horror while Zaha himself will be keen to push through a move citing the usual desire to play Champions League football.
The late timing of the swoop is shrewd as it offers Palace little time to play hardball with the strategy suggesting Spurs have learned from last year’s protracted pursuit of West Brom’s Berahino. It gives the Eagles nowhere to go besides initially scoffing at the first advance (which they have now done) before reluctantly accepting the second.
Peter Crouch (Stoke City to Derby County)
New Derby gaffer Nigel Pearson is determined to recruit a 20-goal striker to fire the Rams into the Premier League at the millionth time of asking and it is doubtful Chris Martin, Darren Bent or Nick Blackman are prolific enough to step up and be the answer.
A strong interest in Watford’s Matej Vydra looks set to reach a conclusion in the coming days but lurking in the background – or should that be looming? – is the 6ft 7 figure of a seasoned targetman capable of at least providing the bullets.
Fresh from a midweek League Cup hat-trick against Stevenage it’s tempting to think that Crouch would prefer to remain in the top flight and compete for limited game-time especially while there is a sliver of hope that Sam Allardyce will offer up an international recall.
Yet the switch could appeal to the 35-year-old offering up the opportunity to enjoy a likely promotion charge in the twilight of his career. With no requirement to up sticks off the field and a chance to listen to team talks involving ostriches don’t discount this one on first appearance.
Phil Jones (Manchester United to Stoke City)
With Mourinho intent on adding to his defensive roster the versatile Jones could very soon find himself surplus to requirements at Old Trafford after an unconvincing few seasons.
Equally adept at right-back, centre-back or on the treatment table the 24-year-old is so quintessentially Stoke he may as well be a human oatcake wearing Slash’s top hat. His ankles are made of ceramic too.
Cheap shots aside should Mark Hughes get the defender fit and confident, this proposed loan deal could benefit all concerned.
Joe Hart (Manchester City to Liverpool)
The sooner this soap opera is resolved the better for everyone, which is why the notion of Hart staying on at Manchester City for a year as back-up to new signing Claudio Bravo is looking less likely by the day.
City’s Director of Football Txiki Berigistain has publicly declared this week that the club are actively assisting their long-serving number one to find pastures new and with Everton dropping out and Sevilla seemingly no longer an option that just leaves Liverpool as a realistic suitor.
The Reds’ defensive frailties are there for all to see and with Loris Karius out until late September and Simon Mignolet a scapegoat of his own making, don’t rule out a season-long loan for the England stopper especially as City are willing to pay the bulk of Hart’s £130,000 a week wages.
Anfield will heartily cheer every pass out from the back. The rest of us will just be glad the debacle is over.
Robin Van Persie (Fenerbahce to Sunderland)
You won’t find anything online linking RVP to the Mackems because I have just made it up. But wait, before you click out there is plenty of circumstantial evidence to support this potential union.
The former Arsenal and Manchester United marksman has been angling for an Indian Summer back in the Premier League with Fenerbahce keen to facilitate such a move. Indeed so strained is the relationship the Turkish giants took the unusual step of offering the 33 year old to Crystal Palace and West Ham last month while the striker played his part by leaking his willingness to halve his wages.
So just the £100,000-a-week then.
Sunderland meanwhile are desperate for new blood after unwisely releasing, selling or loaning 12 of last season’s squad in the midst of an injury crisis. David Moyes admitted this week, “We are short of time and we are really short of players”.
Speaking of shortness and players Jermain Defoe may well be defying the ageing process and still finding the net with unerring regularity but Sunderland cannot rely on a 33 year old to fire them to safety again. Maybe two will do?
Think of this as a long shot, or if you prefer, an elegant 25 yard volley courtesy of the Dutch maestro to grab the spoils in a relegation six-pointer.
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